Monday, February 14, 2011

Love and Understanding

Why is it that I can't seem to be comfortable sharing my feelings? I have thought about this for a very long time. I'm the type of person who can't and doesn't like saying 'no' for an answer. I have always struggled with this problem. I would always end up doing what I normally don't like to do, just because I couldn't say 'no.' I'm also very indecisive, which doesn't help. If I weren't so indecisive and knew what I want right away, I wouldn't have to go through the pain of doing what I don't like to do. I was about to go to bed after a long skype conversation with  a very good friend of mine, who I got into an argument with, but wanted to think this over-why is it that we don't agree on things and we get into fights? we are best friends, we know about each other more than anyone else in the world. We should be able to understand each other no matter what. It's then I thought of this quote: "It's because we don't understand each other that we can talk, have conversations, get to know each other, and it's because we can't understand each other that we have to be sensitive to each other's needs and wishes. Being understanding and being in love are not necessarily on the same level, they are not the same. You don't love them just because you understand them. Love is Not Understanding. Another life lesson." We're not going to agree on everything. We're not going to be able to understand each other all the time, but that doesn't mean we don't love each other. We're just two different people, there's nothing wrong with that. With this affirmation, I have gained courage to speak my thoughts freely. Then I came across another question: Why is it that I can't speak my mind, my feelings to my very best friend? Why does my mind go black when I'm about to reason my thoughts? I think it has to do with my confidence level. All I can do is to be more confident, believe that what I say is always right. Everyone has their own thoughts and opinions, nobody can say that I'm wrong. But I tend to think about the consequences before I act, and get scared before even I set my foot into the situation..which could be a good thing but then everything would be planned accordingly, which is not fun. Not spontaneous at all. I would hate to be a control freak, I'd rather be the spontaneous one. As George Gershwin has once said, "Life is a lot like jazz. It's best when you improvise," I just need some time and practice. I feel very sorry because I feel like I'm always the one not answering/sharing my feelings with my friend and he always shares his. We perceive things differently, I just hope that he can be patient with me as I move onto my practicing stage.

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