- This is it, Joel. It's gonna be gone soon.

- I know.

- What do we do?

- Just enjoy it....

愛人 (A Lover)

愛人.

사랑(애)

사람(인)

생각하면 할수록 참 매력있는 단어다.

愛= 기(旡,목메다)+심(心,마음)+치(夂, 뒤져 오다)

애(愛)자는 은혜와 사랑을 받아 마음이 메어 차마 발걸음이 떨어지지 않아 뒤쳐져 걷는 모습을 형상화한 글자라고 한다.

이런 뜻을 가진 애(愛)자에 사람 인(人)자를 합해 만들어진 단어가 애인(愛人).

애인은 ‘남을 사랑 하다’와 ‘사랑하는 사람’ 등의 뜻으로 알려져 쓰이지만,

그 속에 담긴 깊은 의미는 '사랑을 베풀어 남의 마음을 감동시키는 사람’이라고 풀이할 수 있다.

愛人.. 사랑을 베풀어 남의 마음을 감동시키는 사람.

난 愛人.

Follow Your Heart. Do What You Love.

To do something well you have to like it. To do something that's worth your time, you have to love it. It's not as easy as it sounds, doing what you love is a lot more complicated than you think. Even figuring out what you love is a hard task. As for me, I have hard times trying to figure out what's best for me. Sometimes, I get confused when people tell me their opinion and tell me that they're right and I should think that way too. Then I get persuaded and start thinking, "Oh, that makes sense," and start to think like them when I should be creating my own opinion to things. And sometimes I feel like I need to follow everyone else's heart in order to "fit in," when it should be the opposite. So I have decided to "Follow My Heart." Cliche? It's a simple statement, yet so complicated. Most of us struggle with this--forming an opinion, following our own heart. There are so many ideas that float around in my head, topics that are debated, and controversial issues that are discussed. I need to have a solid basis for my opinion on these topics, my very own voice of opinion in order to follow my heart, my dreams. It gets so confusing when it comes to figuring out what it is that I absolutely love. I'm still learning, figuring out what it is that keeps me alive. Then I came across this encouraging message I got from a good friend of mine a couple of weeks ago when I was trying to decide whether I wanted to transfer or not: "I know that you will make the right decision for yourself no matter what. Some people view following your heart as a weakness but I see it as a strength to follow something that is so uncertain. I love you. Sweet dreams." I haven't deleted this message, and I don't plan to. I look at it time to time when I'm discouraged, and it gives me comfort, and courage to get back up again and keep following something that is so unsure.. After all, "everything happens for a reason."

Now I'll turn my head to Life Drawing.. I had an incredibly hard time drawing a male model on Friday. It was really hard for me to see the "egg" and other muscles. I find it easier to draw a female than a male model. This is definitely a challenge for me. They seem to look a lot different than the ones of the female model's. I feel that I draw women better than I draw men, because I'm more familiar with the female body, my own body. I think a female form is a far more interesting subject because of the curvy, flowy outer lines. 

FEMALE

MALE

Footprints...

"I wish I can be someone that leaves footprints in your heart. No matter how many tidal waves come along, no matter how many times the water crash on and on.. that I'll always be a footprint that stays there."

Love and Understanding

Why is it that I can't seem to be comfortable sharing my feelings? I have thought about this for a very long time. I'm the type of person who can't and doesn't like saying 'no' for an answer. I have always struggled with this problem. I would always end up doing what I normally don't like to do, just because I couldn't say 'no.' I'm also very indecisive, which doesn't help. If I weren't so indecisive and knew what I want right away, I wouldn't have to go through the pain of doing what I don't like to do. I was about to go to bed after a long skype conversation with  a very good friend of mine, who I got into an argument with, but wanted to think this over-why is it that we don't agree on things and we get into fights? we are best friends, we know about each other more than anyone else in the world. We should be able to understand each other no matter what. It's then I thought of this quote: "It's because we don't understand each other that we can talk, have conversations, get to know each other, and it's because we can't understand each other that we have to be sensitive to each other's needs and wishes. Being understanding and being in love are not necessarily on the same level, they are not the same. You don't love them just because you understand them. Love is Not Understanding. Another life lesson." We're not going to agree on everything. We're not going to be able to understand each other all the time, but that doesn't mean we don't love each other. We're just two different people, there's nothing wrong with that. With this affirmation, I have gained courage to speak my thoughts freely. Then I came across another question: Why is it that I can't speak my mind, my feelings to my very best friend? Why does my mind go black when I'm about to reason my thoughts? I think it has to do with my confidence level. All I can do is to be more confident, believe that what I say is always right. Everyone has their own thoughts and opinions, nobody can say that I'm wrong. But I tend to think about the consequences before I act, and get scared before even I set my foot into the situation..which could be a good thing but then everything would be planned accordingly, which is not fun. Not spontaneous at all. I would hate to be a control freak, I'd rather be the spontaneous one. As George Gershwin has once said, "Life is a lot like jazz. It's best when you improvise," I just need some time and practice. I feel very sorry because I feel like I'm always the one not answering/sharing my feelings with my friend and he always shares his. We perceive things differently, I just hope that he can be patient with me as I move onto my practicing stage.

contour lines

every contour line should be different.

I swear, I'm really good at focusing.

I'm really good at focusing on things. I just need to learn to focus on the right things, at the right time. I need to let my subconscious mind know what's important. 

"What you focus on, you get more of." 

I also need to work on not giving up. the moment I say, “I can't do this," my mind stops looking for a solution. But if I don't give up and keep looking for a way out, even when I'm in a disastrous situation, I start to notice the opportunities appear. And there are a lot more opportunities out there than you think. I just need to know how to look, how to focus on the right things.